Ups and Downs

I can't say I've made stellar progress over the last several weeks. I'm hovering right about where I was weight-wise. But I've gotten my sorry ass back to the gym and have been doing some treadmill walking. That's a start. And I'm getting my motivation back, which can't hurt the situation.

This weight loss stuff is hard. Maybe the hardest thing I've been up against in my life. And I have a hard time staying focused on it. Life gets busy, I injure myself, I get sick, I have a mood dip...and all of a sudden I'm off the wagon, spiraling downward (upward?) again.

A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my car from my last teaching session of the quarter, stepped off a curb funny, twisted both ankles, an fell, landing on my right knee. My ankles, thank goodness, seem to be healed, but my right knee is still complaining. I'm trying to be gentle with it. It doesn't feel good to get up from a sitting position, and sometimes when I am lying in bed at night, if I'm in one position too long, and try to move, my knee is very stiff and painful. Arthritis, I guess. Hopefully it will calm back down over time.

According to google, the site of my knee pain indicated meniscus or collateral ligament tears and arthritis. Ugh.

My plantar fascitis, while still present in small amounts, hasn't been causing me much grief lately. I am still wearing my orthotics every single stinkin' day. Which is probably a good idea for the foreseeable future.

That day I fell off the curb? I was lying there, on the pavement, in really bad pain...wondering if I would have to take an ambulance somewhere, if I broke something. A guy walking by stopped and asked if I was alright. "No!" I said, "I've sprained both of my ankles. It hurts really bad." He paused awkwardly, asked if I was going to get up. I said I didn't think I could yet. He walked away. Walked. Away. I can't imagine ever just walking away from someone lying on the ground in pain. Wtf?

Two motivation boosts for me right now:

(1) It's almost the new year as I write this, and even though that's just another day, it's a new goal-setting, reflecting time for me.

(2) If all goes according to plan, I will be starting nursing school in about 8 months. Eight short months. And I don't want my weight to be a big issue when it comes to being on my feet for clinicals.

I just have to keep that in the front of my mind and stay focused!!

1.5 pounds down in the last week!

I'm pretty happy with that loss (349.2 to 347.8). I haven't been perfect with my diet this week, but I've been pretty active, and am still feeling very motivated by my fitbit.

I don't have a lot of time to write just at the moment but I wanted to check in at least. I'm going to join a new "challenge" group that will run the day after thanksgiving until I think new years.

Today at work, while I was doing our daily mandatory walk of the grounds to do a safety check, I consciously walked faster to try to get more "very active" minutes logged to my fitbit.

It is thanksgiving this week. I honestly don't think it's going to be that big a blip on my health radar. I don't eat turkey, and I don't really see overdoing it too much on any one item. I'm planning to make a pumpkin pie and some cranberry salad, and my family is going to bring the rest (it's at my house). I do adore pumpkin pie, but I'm only making one, and there will be 4 adults and one child...so there shouldn't be *too* many leftovers.

Tomorrow I'm starting an internship relative to a class I'm taking right now, and I'm going to probably be on my feet for 5 hours straight. I hope I do alright.

The return of optimism!

This morning I am in a perfect mood. I got up early enough to have a real breakfast, and some coffee. My favorite health podcast is back (http://www.fat2fitradio.com) after a months long hiatus, the scale is moving in the right direction, I found some old favorite, extra warm socks in the back of my sock drawer this morning, *and* I will be done with work at 4 today and get to go see Puss n Boots with a friend. Life is good.

So far, so good!

What I've found so far, with the fitbit, is:

-It's motivating me to get more exercise in little ways throughout the day. Take the stairs, inject bouts of activity between sitting at the computer or whatever.

-When I get home after work, and up until bedtime, I'm constantly checking to see if I've reached my steps goal or not. If I haven't, I'm motivated to do more to try to get there before bedtime.

-Other than this morning, I've seen steady, gradual weight loss every day since I started wearing it. (this morning I was up 2 pounds, likely a water fluctuation)

-I'm doing more house cleaning, because it's one way to get active without making the effort to go somewhere new for the purpose of exercising. Double bonus!

-I feel like I'm getting a more accurate picture of how many calories I'm burning and how many I should be eating. I take my calorie limit more seriously when it's based on my actual activity rather than a weight based estimation.

-The combination of changing to a new online record system, and having a new gizmo to monitor my activity, has gotten me back to recording all my food intake again, where I was really struggling to keep it up with my old system, not because it was inferior, just because it was familiar.

-Ranked against other folks my age, my activity level is similar to someone who is normal weight. That means, eventually, I'll get to where I want to be if I can keep it up!

Trying something new...

I've been contemplating getting some sort of bio-logging device for a while now. I have one of those nike gizmos that you stick in your shoe and it tells your ipod your distance traveled, but I haven't really used it much. You have to have your ipod with you, and it has to be specific time that you are saying "I'm exercising now" rather than incorporating it throughout your day.

I looked at getting a fitbit or maybe a heart rate monitor many months ago, but I've been not getting by financially, and couldn't justify the purchase. This month, after making headway in my finances due to a 2nd job, and deciding to take a break from my YMCA membership, I finally settled on buying a fitbit. They have just recently come out with a new one, that tracks stair cases climbed, as well as steps and distance.

I've worn it every day since it came in the mail, and have found it really motivating so far. Each day I've taken more steps. I broke the 10,000 steps goal today, as well as the 10 staircases goal. You earn badges for intervals like that when you accomplish them. There's also a leaderboard where you can compare your stats to your friends or people in a group you belong to, that can be motivating through competition.

It's easy to conceal by clipping it to my bra (I hated those old pedometers that you had to clip to your pocket...they always fell off). I can check it discretely throughout the day, say when I use the restroom. And it updates wirelessly to my online account when I am using my laptop. So far, so good.

I was torn at first about what to do with food logging. I have been using the loseit system for the last yaer...and fitbit *will* update to my loseit, but only if I go over a certain calorie burn, and then it's as a "fitbit adjustment". For now, I've been logging all my foods into fitbit, but I log my weight updates in both places. I like that loseit allows you to export reports (like the last several weeks of my weight logs) where fitbit at this point doesn't. It makes it easier for me to update my records.

I have lost 2.8 pounds since Nov 2nd when I started wearing my fitbit. Yay!

I also went for a walk with my girlfriends today for the first time in months. We walked on a path that runs alongside the railroad track in town. It was chilly, but the sun was out.

I haven't been feeling great this weekend. I had to nebulize for the first time in months (for my asthma). But it was good to get outside.

Long time no post ... sorry.

I haven't been doing a very good job of keeping up on this blog for the last couple of months, or keeping up with taking care of my body. I haven't had a single day off in a long time (working 7 days per week and up to 12 hours per day for over 6 weeks now) and everything just sort of broke down.

I stopped logging my foods on loseit, and then I started again briefly, and then I stopped again. I have been getting exercise, but not purposefully exercising. My weight is, unfortunately, back up where it started at the beginning of the year.

I was inspired recently to restart my pedometer tracking since I am having trouble setting aside specific time to exercise. It took me a bit to find the thing, and it was out of battery juice, so I've gotten replacement batteries that I need to put in there. I'm going to start that tomorrow, and try to set a modest goal of increasing my weekly steps 5% each week. Several years ago I did a program where I was supposed to increase my steps 10% each week and I just couldn't keep up with the pace. I have a feeling that with everything going on right now, I had better just pick something manageable so I don't have another "failure" on my hands.

So...I've had a setback, but this isn't the end of things. I'm going to keep pushing forward.

My mom (although she lied to the whole family about it) had lap-band surgery about 10 months ago, and has lost about 65 pounds. She'll say something like, "All I had to eat today was a handful of almonds," and actually be genuinely proud of that. I think it's unhealthy... sick even. She keeps finding ways to bring up her weight loss in conversation with me.

I'll be posting more often now, to try and get myself back on track.

The assumptions of others (2011 Week 35 Update)

I lost 0.2 pounds last week.
I was 238 calories under budget.
I didn't log my food and exercise one day.
Exercise included walking (mostly at work) and gardening.
My diet was 9.5% protein.

Recently at work, there was a fundraiser for the alzheimers association. Two of my coworkers made homemade salsa and chips, sold for $5 per container, and all the staff and residents could buy them and the proceeds went to the nonprofit.

The residents where I work are older and forgetful, and one woman came to the desk, very angry, wanting to know where her salsa and chips were. She hadn't ordered any, but she was sure that she had. The woman who is in charge of the event made her a special batch just to keep her happy -- she brought the salsa that day, and the chips a few days later. We called her and told her the chips were ready for her to pick up, and she didn't pick them up...and still didn't pick them up.

I came into work yesterday, and the bag was open and much depleted. "Where did Pat's chips go?!" I asked, and my coworker explained to me that Pat said she didn't want them anymore, and she and our other office worker had been snacking on and off through the day.

Later, our manager came out to give me my lunch break before she went home, and when I got back from my meal, she looks at me kind of condescendingly, and says..."I notice these chips are open...have you been eating Pat's chips?!"

It kind of hurt my feelings that she would think I had just been tearing into someone else's food because it was there and handy. I explained the situation, and kind of made a joke out of it, and she laughed...but it hit me the wrong way.

Up a little again...(2011 Week 34 Update)

Up 1.4 pounds last week. :-(
Under 498 calories
Only 1600 exercise (walking, cleaning)
12 % protein

I haven't been extremely focused on fitness and weight loss recently but I am still tracking everything, every day. Sometimes the numbers going up and down seem so arbitrary. And I know that if that's the case I need to find OTHER measurements or successes to focus on. And loseit is helping with that---hey, I met my calorie goal last week, that's good. But whine, whine I wish my numbers were getting smaller faster.

My new job has started to feel a lot more manageable, and my class this fall is going well. I really need to start working more gym and exercise time back into my schedule. I think I'll work on that tonight.

Trying out a new mantra...

Somewhere I read the idea to ask myself:

"Is this what I want?" Is this *really* what I want?"

when I am about to have something unhealthy. I've been trying it out the last 2 days and although it's no fail safe, I think it may be helping a little bit.

It helps take me away form the immediate WANT SUGAR NOW and gets me to refocus on my goals and maybe have a glass of water or another healthier substitute instead, and hopefully slow down and acknowledge that I am feeling anxious or lonely, not really hungry.

Plodding along... (2011 Week 33 Update)

Here are my stats for last week:

Lost 4.9 pounds (most of the water weight I gained the previous week)
789 calories under budget
33% fat
55% carbs
12% protein
1,045 calories of exercise (walking and gardening)

I'm doing alright in my life generally right now but still having trouble with emotional eating and making a commitment to exercise. Things have been much busier than usual, but I'd still like to make time. Tomorrow I have the day off from work, and I have some errands I need to run, and study for a test that night, but I'm thinking I'll go to aqua aerobics at noon and get some exercise in. I haven't been in the pool in a while, and it sounds good.

Okay, false alarm...

It's only Wednesday and I'm already 3 pounds down again of the 5.5 I gained last week; I'm pretty sure it *was* just water fluctuation with monthly cycles. Whew.

That is all.

I really, really don't want to post this (2011 Week 32 Update)

Summary:

3,595 calories under budget
1,385 calories of exercise
35% fat
52% carbs
13% protein
5.5 pounds gained. Ugh.

My menstrual cycle has been very irregular lately; I didn't have a period at all last month, and now I'm just starting one during the 2nd week of my birth control pill pack. I wonder if this has something to do with it. But I also need to up my exercise and keep focusing on diet.

That's all for now; it's late.

Fat folk shalt not wear cute leggings? (2011 Week 31 Update)

Summary of Last week:

Lost 1.8 pounds
2,758 calories under budget
35% fat, 53% carb, 12% protein consumed

Water aerobics, walking and gardening were my forms of exercise, for a total of 4,222 estimated calories of effort.

My mom, who I am quite sure at this point got lap band surgery around new year's and has lied repeatedly to me about it (saying it was a hernia repair), has slimmed down considerably over the last couple of months. Or maybe I just didn't notice it as much before. Because recently she has begun wearing skin-tight leggings, every day. I'm not talking about under a skirt, or to the gym to work out (she doesn't do that), or anything like that. Just out and about in her daily activities. A 60+ year old woman who was probably 300 or more pounds at her largest and maybe 200 now, she's very lumpy and bumpy and jiggly. I would be embarrassed to walk around in such form-fitting reveal-it-all clothing in that body.

On the flip side, I, who am still tipping the scales around 345, was drawn to some fun patterned/colored leggings at Target today but was worried that they wouldn't fit me, to be worn under a skirt. Sigh.

I am writing this a few days late and haven't been doing a good job with food this week, I hope for my next weekly check in I don't have to report a gain.

My plantar fascia rears its ugly head again

This week is going great as far as weight loss. I'm sticking to my calorie budget, and getting lots of exercise. But my foot is not okay.

I admit I haven't been doing everything correctly. I do wear the orthotics all day long but I haven't been properly stretching and doing the strength training exercises I'm supposed to do. Not consistently anyway.

Ouch! It was maybe back to 80 percent of max pain experienced in that foot this morning. And that was stepping into an orthotic straight out of bed, like I'm supposed to.

Fooey.

Moving (slowly) in the right direction (2011 Week 30 Update)

Here are my stats for last week:

314 calories under budget for the week
Lost 0.8 pounds this week
Fat 38.1%
Carbohydrates 50.7%
Protein 11.3%

Exercise Summary
Gardening 30 Min
Yardwork 25 Min
Water Aerobics 45 Min
House Cleaning 30 Min
Walking 3 Hours 45 Min
Total 2064 calories

I feel like I have been doing pretty well. My diet was right where I wanted it to be, calorie-wise. I can still work on upping my protein intake (and lowering fat in exchange) but I feel like that is a pretty good accomplishment to come out so close to my calorie goal for the week. I should be doing more exercise for the sake of exercise. I only went to aqua aerobics once and didn't do any biking or anything. The walking I have listed there is from jetting around a hospital where I volunteer, and walking around the entire grounds at work as part of my job.

For the coming week, I've got 5 workout sessions on my calendar (if I make 4 of them, I'm going to give myself a metaphorical big gold star), plus whatever exercise I get at work or volunteering. And I need to fit in my physical therapy strength training too.

I decided to try one other new thing. I really, really love to get massages. I haven't had one in a few years, but I'd love to again. I don't feel like I'm in a place financially where I can shell out for that right now, but I made a deal with myself. For each day that I don't buy any food or drink that is prepared outside my house, I'm putting $3 in my massage fund. If I can get that number up to 50, I'm getting a massage. That should significantly lower my monthly food bill as well as improve my diet, and get me a special treat that I wouldn't have given myself otherwise. I should still come out ahead financially, because if I go out to lunch form work I'd spend at least 6 dollars.

Quick Check-in (2011 Week 29 Update)

Here are my stats for last week:

567 calories under weekly budget (right about where I want to be)
12% protein (a little better than usual)
3,760 calories of exercise
Up 0.4 pounds (could be water weight from m.c.)


I'm getting more exercise in my day-to-day at my new job due to needing to walk around the property and check on residents, or close up at night.

Things have felt really busy and overwhelming sometimes in the last couple of weeks, and I know that it is only going to get worse in the coming few months due to double job, extra shift, school, lots up in the air complications.

When I hit September, I will have some sort of scheduled obligation every day of the week, weekends included -- but it is sounding like some of the time I can have Saturdays off if I switch with another volunteer, and I could cut back on my tutoring job if I needed to.

I'm worried about health insurance. Up until today I thought that when my COBRA coverage ran out I could automatically enroll in the same company's health insurance if I didn't leave any break, but it turns out that because I'm living in another state now I'm not eligible... Hopefully by January I will have insurance through a job again.

I'm still not doing great on the munchies at work, but I have improved some. Choosing ice water or unsweetened iced tea instead of soda or juice on my 10 minute breaks is a good decision. Avoiding cookies entirely is a good decision. If I let myself dip into the candy dish, taking a small hard candy instead of a large chewy one is a good decision. But I can still do better. I think if I focus on nice chilled, unsweetened beverages I will be better able to control myself around the sweets.

I am a little nervous about a physical I have to do for work. What information will my work have access to (medications? weight? conditions?) or what kind of things would limit me from working. I've never had to do a physical as a requirement of work before. This isn't for my normal job, it's for covering some extra shifts of someone who's going on vacation. We'll see.

Anyway...although I haven't been making leaps and bounds forward here lately in my health, I do feel like I'm making some good life changes and hopefully my physical condition will start showing it more soon.

Overdid it by a longshot. Ouch!

Today after I got home from a 6 hour on-my feet a lot volunteer shift, I saw that a group I sometimes go hiking with was doing a walk on a favorite local trail. It was a beautiful day, I was feeling energetic and had been inside all day... So I went for it. We started at 5 and were at the end of the trail by 6:45, and had dinner there, but afterward the only way to get back to our cars was to do the whole thing again.

We thought there might be a trolley to take us the other way. We were going even faster on the way back because it was getting dark. My friend went ahead a ways because she needed to stay close to her 6 year old son, who was on a scooter and very grumpy by that point (can't blame him).

When I finally made it home again and took a shower, the skin along my underwear line in front was rubbed raw to the point it burned to have the water there in the shower. My feet ache, my back aches, my hips are sore. And perhaps TMI, I have a blister larger than a quarter on the inside of my left butt cheek. How am I supposed to protect that while it heals?!

I should have called a cab for the ride back. I knew I was already pushed well beyond my curent fitness limitations. I hope I haven't put myself back to square one with my plantar fascists.

Temptations at work

My new job has added some exercise to my daily routine, between checking on residents and closing up buildings at night. But it has also added some unfortunate temptations. Right within reach when I'm sitting at my desk in the front lobby there is a huge bin full of candy of all kinds. Also, part of my job description is to make cookies twice a day.

These are both meant for the residents of the building I work in and their families, but it is okay if I snack too... But I need to stay strong and remind myself of my weight loss goals. It is really hard when the whole lobby smells like warm ginger snaps or chocolate chip cookies.

The York peppermint patties have been my downfall in the candy bin. Once I've eaten one it's really hard not to go for a second or third, and they are like 150 calories a pop. It's best just not to have any if I can help it.

False alarm, I think... (2011 Week 28 Update)

Here are my stats for last week:

1251 calories under budget
down 0.6 pounds
2,234 calories of exercise logged.
13% protein consumed (50% carbs, 37% fat)

My back/hip area isn't hurting today. And my foot, though still tender, is still alright. I need to be more disciplined about doing my physical therapy exercises and stretches, and wearing my splint at night.

My new job has a fair amount of walking and stair climbing built in. And I *do* take the stairs, rather than the elevator, as most of the residents where I work really _need_ the elevator and it is a good reminder that I don't actually require it yet.

I am way behind on the whole year-long goal I had set out, but moving in the right direction. I can tell it may be a challenge to keep up a solid exercise routine now that I have two jobs, but I'm feeling determined.

Over and out.

I think I have sciatica. At 31. Ugh.

Yesterday was my first day of volunteer work at a local hospital. It included a lot of walking. I feel like my plantar fascitis is much improved after physical therapy and still using anti-inflammatories, etc, but with 6 hours of on and off walking (much less than I hope to be doing in my future career), I have this sharp stabbing pain at the back of my right hip.

I am taking it easy today. I know I will be doing some walking tomorrow at work when I walk around the building to do resident checks; and there will be some stair climbing too.

I really hope that all of these aches and pains go away with the extra weight. I will do my usual weekly check in tomorrow.

There is a woman I'm friends with on loseit who is close to her goal weight (150 or 200 pounds down, like I'm hoping to be) and recently has been doing plastic surgeries to remove extra skin. She had lap band surgery, so the weight probably came off more quickly than mine will. I hope my skin isn't that bad at the end of my journey; it would bring a whole extra set of self esteem issues. But we'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Went to see the last Harry Potter movie in the theater today. I am enchanted with the whole series again; I had lost it a little bit after reading the last book, but during parts of the movie I wanted to stand up and cheer when a favorite character had an awesome line.

I had some movie popcorn (bought by a friend) yesterday and some caramel corn (made by me) today and felt somewhat sick after eating both. I think my body is starting to reject things that aren't very good for it.

I plan on posting my weekly update tomorrow.

Got behind, but back on track (2011 Week 27 Update)

I'm way behind on posting this.

My stats for last week:
Up 2 pounds
29 calories under weekly budget (with several "oops" days)
about 2100 calories of exercise
about 9.5% protein

I meant to post this on Monday, that's supposed to be my check-in day, but this week has been hectic and I wasn't doing a good job of keeping up. Good news is, by the time I'm writing this, those 2 pounds are gone again and then some.

I've started a new job this week and have been training so I just got a little behind.

Will write more on Monday!

Shame on them (Week 26 Update, a little late)

Here are my stats for last week:

0 weight change
1329 calories under weekly budget
3657 calories of exercise (stretching, tai chi, pilates, yoga, stationary bicycle, cleaning, gardening, elliptical, weight lifting, and walking)

The "shame on them" from the title is relative to something that happened at a volunteer training I went to at a local hospital. I had just spent the last 6 hours sitting through various company policy/safety/anti-harassment training videos and activities. I went to the front desk to ask about getting a uniform (there were 5 experienced volunteers there, all of whom had been through the same training I just did). The one who's in charge asked me what size scrub uniform I need (in front of everyone there), and I very matter-of-factly say well, I'm a big girl, I usually need a 4x on the bottom and a 5x on the top. She made an exaggerated big-eyed face, and said something in a loud voice like, "Well I don't know if we have any uniform jackets THAT big, we may need to order something for you!!!" She wasn't so slender herself, so I don't know where she gets off talking like that.

Afterwards I thought I really should have said something; like I should have publicly pointed out her crassness the same way she publicly pointed out my size. I also didn't really want to draw any more attention to myself or the issue though. (Sigh)

You'll notice there is a wider variety of exercises this week. I've mentioned I have a low-income discount membership at the Y, but a friend of mine really wanted me to do a free 1 week trial at the gym she goes to. So I was trying out some of the classes and equipment there. It was nice having someone to make a gym appointment with and who could push me to go a little harder while we were there.

Another thing you might notice is that I'm back to walking again. My plantar fascitis isn't completely gone, and I'm still taking an anti-inflammatory 2x daily, but I'm slowly adding walking back into my routine again and the pain hasn't been worsening.

Going strong, a little at a time (Week 25 Update)

Here's my week at a glance:

583 calories under weekly budget
10.4% protein consumed
3,853 calories of exercise done (cleaning, yardwork, gardening, aqua aerobics, weight lifting)
1 pound lost (down to 345.4)

I got a fairly uncomfortable sunburn on my upper back and shoulders from aqua aerobics class. I did put on sunscreen but it's very hard to reach there, and I would feel incredibly weird going up to a random person in the locker room and asking them to do my back for me. In the past I've sometimes worn t-shirts over my suit for protection from the sun; my teacher recommended a certain kind of water wear that doesn't have any elastic in it, is built for wearing in the pool and lasts a long time. I'm thinking about getting one; it's long sleeved with a zipper in the front. But it's about $50 bucks, money I don't have right now, and I also figure I'm losing weight and something to wear in the water you don't really want to be baggy and flowing. I have 2 shirts from REI, one short-sleeved and one long-sleeved that are thin enough to dry quickly and actually have some sun protection. I should probably just wear those for now.

It has been a good week overall. I'm kind of nervous waiting for the results of a job interview I did last week, but there's nothing I can do at this point but wait for a phone call.

My foot is still bothering me. I had been on 500mg of Naproxen twice a day almost the whole last 3 weeks while I was doing physical therapy, and then ran out just before the end. I didn't really realize it was helping until it's gone. I've got a refill on it, I just haven't used it yet. I need to stay on top of my physical therapy exercises and stretches as well. I was thinking last night before bed that I should really bring a rope or something up and put it within reaching distance in the morning for doing my hamstring stretches while still in bed.

I'm a little sad because I feel like I wasted the last 3 months or so that could have been good weight loss months and instead I actually gained. I think it's just really hard for me to stay focused on something like physical health when I feel so blahhhh. I'm back on track now though, so that's what matters.

Cholesterol Update

I had my 3 month check-in with my physician, with accompanying lipid panel. I am on 20 mg of lipitor (the lowest dose) and take a flax oil liqui-gel once per day. Exercise is supposed to help raise HDL and weight loss helps the big picture.

I didn't get a copy of the report like I usually ask for, but here's what I remember:

Total Cholesterol: 167
HDL: 49 (up from 40 in December)
LDL: 99 (about the same)
Triglycerides: don't know.

My doc seamed pleased, and all numbers are within heart-healthy range. I'd like to try going off of the lipitor once I get my weight down and see if I can do without it.

A higher number on the HDL --- maybe 60 would be attainable? -- would be great. If I keep losing weight and getting physical activity, maybe I can get there in time.

Doing a better job now (2011 Week 24 Update)

Here are my stats for the last week:

Calories: 354 under weekly budget
Protein: 10% of diet
Weight Change: -0.3 pounds
Exercise: 2,376 calories worth. yard work, gardening, weight training, stretching and house cleaning.

My mood has continued to improve. I feel more like myself these days; I am able to genuinely smile and laugh. I am still anxious sometimes but doing a better job of coping. I have been sleepier than I am used to though, and I wonder if that might be a reaction to the increased antidepressant medication dose. I suppose it also could just be spring allergies. Here's hoping it passes soon.

I've been going to physical therapy twice per week for my plantar fascitis, to learn and practice stretches and strength training exercises that will make my hips and legs more balanced, and everything stronger and more flexible. I have also been doing some core exercises there, like planks, bridges, etc. It is very hard work but I think it will be a good habit to get into, and not just for my foot problem.

My birthday was last month and one of my gifts was a lightweight, fabric hammock. I just got around to putting it up in a tree in the back yard several days ago and I have really been enjoying hanging out (literally!) outside in it, reading, working on the computer, or just relaxing. And I went back to aqua aerobics again today.

I want to do lap swimming at the pool, but I'm a little intimidated by the crowded lanes, especially since I swim more slowly than a lot of people. I used to go to an indoor pool when I lived in a different city, and it was open all day long, so I could choose non-peak times to go and do some laps. They also had lane markers: "slow", "medium" and "fast", so I felt like there was a spot set aside for me!

I still can't get back to walking and hiking yet (says doc) which is disappointing. Maybe I'll take a cycling class this week at the gym.

Cat's home safe but gained 2 pounds. (2011 Week 23 Update)

Here are my stats for the last week:

1295 calories over budget
3601 estimated calories of exercise done
10% protein consumed (oops)
+1.7 pounds

I have been doing a little better mood wise, and doing alright on exercise, but my diet has been crap. Have to get all the pieces working together again.

I was at the park with my niece last week and a little boy who was playing on the equipment asked what was in my belly, why it was so big. Argh. I know he's just an innocent kid and probably was curious if there was a baby in there or something but comments like that are so disheartening. And I think he said it loud enough that my parents, sitting over on a park bench nearby, could hear.

Speaking of parents, my mom has mentioned a couple times on the phone that she's just about to eat a salad, and it comes out that all she puts in that salad is iceberg lettuce and salad dressing. My dad was talking to her about it in front of me yesterday afternoon, pointing out that she wasn't eating the tomatoes she bought. "What do you put in your salad, M, he said? Just lettuce, cheese, croutons and dressing?"

When I was younger and still lived at home, and I would beg my mom to get some actually fresh produce at the store for me (a fledgling vegetarian) to eat, she'd go, get a head of iceberg lettuce, some tomatoes, croutons, and baco-bits, set aside a small amount for me, then make a huge, literally gallon sized salad for herself, drowned in thousand island dressing, and there would be no more vegetables of any sort left in the house. She felt virtuous when she ate those things; I could see it in her face. Ugh.

Anyway.

I just got a message on my phone this afternoon about an application I turned in *3* months ago. Ridiculous, but hopefully something will come of it. I think getting back on my feet with a stable job to support me would help my mood, and in turn, my weight loss efforts.

But I'm feeling optimistic. I'm going to do my physical therapy exercises tonight, and plan on doing some laps at the pool or maybe a cycling class tomorrow afternoon. It's going to be okay.

Up too late and worried about my kitty.

How has 5 1/2 months passed already since the new year? Where did the time go?

I am up later than I want to be, worried because the more adventurous of my two kitties is outside and no longer within bell jingle's distance. She's very trusting and pretty much fearless about exploring new territory, and it all terrifies me. Meanwhile, I'm keeping the doors shut to keep my other cat inside and I worry that because of the shut doors she won't come check in like she usually would. I've been periodically going outside and calling her name, wiggling a flashlight around to try to get her to come to me (she loves light).

I was reading over a list of physical requirements of nurses a little earlier this evening. I probably shouldn't do anything anxiety-producing like that so late at night. My podiatrist said that people of all sizes and athletic abilities get plantar fascitis; he assured me that it had nothing to do with my weight. And then the physical therapist told me that losing weight would help. So I'm a little confused there. I mean, hopefully he's right. Hopefully, with the physical therapy, and the orthotics, and losing weight and getting in better shape, my foot problem will go away.

I am really tired. I hope she's back soon.

Mood Improvements (2011 Week 22)

Well, I'm kind of late on this post, but I have good things to report. I was under my calorie goal (but not by toooo much) on all but one day last week -- the one day I was over I went to a birthday/housewarming party and I am sure I was over but I didn't keep very good track of various snacks. By my estimate, I was 2,577 under my calorie goal, and I lost one pound.

The good thing is, my mood is improving a little bit. I'm feeling just a bit more motivated, a bit more optimistic.

I was kind of down because I'd really been enjoying hiking, and my podiatrist said I needed to take a break from any hiking or distance walking for a few weeks to let my foot heal, but, well, I've gone to an aqua aerobics class a couple times, and have been using the stationary bike at the gym, and hopefully I can keep it up and still get the exercise I want to get until my foot heals. The aqua aerobics is a little too geriatric for my taste, but I am getting some good stretching in, so I might do some of that and some lap swimming too.

I am also going to a physical therapist for my plantar fascitis issues, and he's having me do a bunch of overall strength training to help my foot, so that's probably a good thing.

Feeling Stronger (2011 Week 21 Update)

In my last week, as summarized by Loseit, I was about 1200 calories over budget, and gained 2.8 pounds. So, all in all, not the best week.

However, I did go on a big hike on Sunday with my Dad. It was a trail that I'd been on before this past thanksgiving with my whole family and in laws, and it took us all over 2 hours to get around the loop. Last Sunday, it took my dad and I about 1 1/2 hours. I did it again today (I'm a couple days behind on this post) and it took me an hour and ten minutes.

The 2.8 pounds last week I feel like I can blame almost entirely on anxiety and responding to that anxiety by binging on ice cream. I'm really stressed out in the rest of my life right now.

But after the hike today I feel a lot better. I know theoretically that exercise helps with stress management and mood issues but I haven't been good in the past at putting that theory into practice. Today's hike was a good move.

Tomorrow I'm planning to get up at a reasonable hour, go apply for another job, and then spend the rest of the day with my niece. Maybe I'll even go to aqua-aerobics in the evening.

I'm feeling a little bit stronger and more capable, a little more like things are going to work out, one way or the other.

Renewed Hope (2011 Week 20 Update)

My Loseit Log says I was down another 1.5 pounds last week. My last recorded weight was 343.2. I have a feeling that may not be entirely accurate -- I wasn't logging food, exercise, or weight for the last two days.

It was my birthday, and my sister was in town to visit and help me celebrate. I did get a fair amount of exercise, walking downtown, walking at the beach, etc, but also probably ate and drank more than usual between birthday cake, birthday cake leftovers, and having a few glasses of wine/beer.

I was worried, being aware of my sister's eating habits. Friday night she got in around 4-ish and didn't ingest anything but alcohol for the rest of the day; I made thin crust pizza and a big healthy salad for dinner and she didn't have any. Saturday morning she had a couple of pop tarts she'd brought with her and a canned coffee drink -- I had made chocolate chip scones for breakfast for a treat, and brewed coffee, she didn't partake. She didn't have anything for lunch, and at my birthday dinner had a single slice of takeout pizza that my parents brought, not even any of the cupcakes we made.

She looked heavier than usual, but not anywhere near overweight. She's probably 5'5" and about 125 pounds. According to heresay she's had trouble with bulimia in the past but insists it's not an issue anymore. I worry about her.

I've written a little bit on here about my struggle with depression and how it relates to getting motivated to move my body around and eat the right things. On Friday afternoon I went and talked to my doctor about my symptoms having gotten worse again. I was nervous about talking to him because he's not a very touchy-feely kind of guy, kind of brusque even, but he just listened to the symptoms I described and adjusted my dose for me. It might take 4-6 weeks to really feel the change but already (maybe just due to hope of change) I'm feeling a little better, more energized and back on track.

I went to the gym today for the first time in month. I've got my next week's worth of meals and exercise planned out. And while I was at the gym I picked up a copy of the current schedule of classes both there and at the pool.

I varied my speed on the treadmill between 2.5 and 3 mph, and was having some low back pain and right knee issues again so I only went for 15 minutes, and then did 15 minutes of weight lifting. I did a lot of yard work today as well so I feel like I've put in a good effort that I can continue to build on.

I think I am going to turn another corner now.

Finals week at school (2011 Week 19 Update)

Last week I was about 2000 calories over at the end, but lost about half a pound. My exercise was all cleaning and yard work.

Tomorrow is my last final for spring semester, and after that I'm anticipating a lot more free time and flexibility for exercise.

I'm still in a low mood, which definitely doesn't help my lifestyle choices. I'm going to see the doctor about it on Friday.

Wish me luck!

Baby steps (2011 Week 18 update)

If I were just to report starting and ending weights I'm up to pounds to 344, which is 2.2 pounds higher than last week...but the reality is I was as high as 348.8 again this week, and I brought it back down to 344. I am frustrated with where I am at right now. But maybe this is a good sign, that little turn around.

I've started up with the whey protein in the morning again. I was 588 calories over budget at the end of the week, which I am working on. I need to start drinking more water again, and I've been learning more about low glycemic foods in physiology class, which would probably help me from doing a blood glucose roller coaster.

I got together with a friend yesterday who also is struggling with weight issues and depression, and I think we are going to start spending more time together and talk about this stuff, which is a good thing.

Reaching Out (2011 Week 17 Update)

I was down 1.2 pounds to 341.8 at the end of the week. I got over 3,000 calories worth of exercise, according to loseit (yardwork, walking, gardening, cleaning) but was well over my food budget (currently around 2500) nearly every day.

I was really anxious all week. I tried reaching out to several friends that I wanted to reconnect with to try to build up my social support system again, with some great results and some not so great. That was probably part of the nerves situation, but the main thing weighing on me was an interview that I had scheduled for this Monday (I've already done it). All week I was hemming and hawing about it, and one night I had a dream about getting the job and then failing at it. I've been through a lot, professionally, lately, so I try to tell myself it's all just nerves and me being a worry-wort, but it is still hard to calm myself and traditionally food is something I turn to when I am stressed.

The interview didn't go very well. It was a 3rd interview with this particular organization and the previous two I felt had gone pretty well but I met the director of the organization at the most recent one and she really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe she was just having a bad day, or maybe I was being oversensitive, or maybe it really is a situation I should just stay clear of. I need a job, though. I will probably know more later this week.

I mean to go to the gym more over my spring break at school. I did end up getting a fair amount of exercise, especially doing outside chores, but I didn't make it to the gym. Tomorrow... maybe then I can go? I should be done at work at 6:30 and maybe if I brought my gym clothes with me in the car I'd be more likely to actually go. Hmm.

I've got a fair amount of homework to finish still tonight so I'm going to sign off, but will keep trying here and hopefully have a good update next week.

What now? (2011 Week 16 Update)

I lost 0.4 pounds last week, if you go by literal numbers. I did just over 3k calories worth of exercise, mostly working in the garden and cleaning house. Protein consumption could be better (only about 70 g per day).

I was pretty much right on target (only 200 calories under) with my budget, but I haven't been doing a very precise job of calorie tracking -- I mean, I do log everything I eat and try to get the portion sizes correct but the actual food substance might not be an exact match. I think usually when I do that it is close enough, or erring on the side of more calories than I actually ate.

I'm still struggling with mama drama, and some of the stuff that she says is super insensitive. When I call her on it she claims she didn't realize it was making me upset and then scoffs and says she shouldn't have to censor her thoughts for my benefit.

I got really anxious about having some house guests visit last weekend. I felt like I was being super awkward the whole time, and I worried that they would think my place wasn't clean enough.

If I had to sum up the last week in one word it would be anxiety. Job interviews, house guests, two exams, etc. Sometimes I handled it well (cleaning, reading a book, watching tv), others I didn't (pint of ice cream, choc chip scones, donuts, shopping).

Today I am meeting a friend at the park; I am trying to be more social. When I get home I've got a lot of chores to do, but it will feel really great when they are all done. On a happy note, my tomato plants have their first tomatoes on them! And my squash are coming up!