This weight loss stuff is hard. Maybe the hardest thing I've been up against in my life. And I have a hard time staying focused on it. Life gets busy, I injure myself, I get sick, I have a mood dip...and all of a sudden I'm off the wagon, spiraling downward (upward?) again.
A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my car from my last teaching session of the quarter, stepped off a curb funny, twisted both ankles, an fell, landing on my right knee. My ankles, thank goodness, seem to be healed, but my right knee is still complaining. I'm trying to be gentle with it. It doesn't feel good to get up from a sitting position, and sometimes when I am lying in bed at night, if I'm in one position too long, and try to move, my knee is very stiff and painful. Arthritis, I guess. Hopefully it will calm back down over time.
According to google, the site of my knee pain indicated meniscus or collateral ligament tears and arthritis. Ugh.
My plantar fascitis, while still present in small amounts, hasn't been causing me much grief lately. I am still wearing my orthotics every single stinkin' day. Which is probably a good idea for the foreseeable future.
That day I fell off the curb? I was lying there, on the pavement, in really bad pain...wondering if I would have to take an ambulance somewhere, if I broke something. A guy walking by stopped and asked if I was alright. "No!" I said, "I've sprained both of my ankles. It hurts really bad." He paused awkwardly, asked if I was going to get up. I said I didn't think I could yet. He walked away. Walked. Away. I can't imagine ever just walking away from someone lying on the ground in pain. Wtf?
Two motivation boosts for me right now:
(1) It's almost the new year as I write this, and even though that's just another day, it's a new goal-setting, reflecting time for me.
(2) If all goes according to plan, I will be starting nursing school in about 8 months. Eight short months. And I don't want my weight to be a big issue when it comes to being on my feet for clinicals.
I just have to keep that in the front of my mind and stay focused!!
You need to stay away from Dr. Google. You probably just hurt your knee when you fell, it doesn't mean you have arthritis or anything else serious or chronic. If you had a torn ligament you wouldn't even be able to walk on it, trust me. I've fallen on my knee before, people injure their knees all the time, it just needs a little time to heal. Yes, the weight loss is difficult but it isn't impossible. You do need to stop being so soft on yourself. Life is tough for me too but in my mind, there is no "wagon", there is no "track", there's only real life and you have to integrate your weight loss into your life or it's always going to remain in the periphery and become easy to ignore when you get distracted. You have been losing and gaining the same few pounds for quite some time now. This whole time I've been rooting for you because I really want this for you and I believe anyone can lose the weight. You'll be stronger and have a better sense of balance and you won't fall as easily when you lose the weight. I used to have the same problems when I weighed almost 400 pounds. I'm sorry if I seem harsh, that isn't how I mean to sound. I just want to see you lose the weight. I feel wonderful, it's an awesome feeling and I want you to experience this too.
ReplyDeleteI know you are trying to give me some "tough love" to motivate me, but comments like this just make me feel victimized, incompetent, and a loser. I'm trying to build up my confidence in myself to lose the weight right now. I have been doing well recently, and I think I can keep the trend going. But this comment made me sad.
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