That argument with yourself...

After a long clinical day (I am a nursing student), my plan was to go to the gym to do an ab workout class. I've been to the class before, and really felt it the next day. My gym clothes were in the car, all I had to do was drive there, change quickly, and jump in. But I talked myself out of it :-/

I got a lot of exercise at the hospital today. Almost the self-required 10,000 steps, and I knew I could get above it doing chores this evening in between studying.

I've got two tests this week, and felt like I needed to get home to study ASAP, but that is not an uncommon occurrence. I need to learn to prioritize exercise as well as academics.

I told myself I didn't want to be ultra-sore for my 1st day attempting total care of 3 patients tomorrow. But really, sore abs would not get in the way of a nursing shift. That was a made up excuse.

Next time (Wednesday) I will do better.

Inching downward

Over the last month I've gone from 351.6 to 347.4 (on average); that's a loss of 4.2 pounds. If I keep that rate of loss up over the next year (which seems very reasonable), I could be 50 pounds lighter by this time next year, which is VERY MOTIVATING.

Ups and Downs

I can't say I've made stellar progress over the last several weeks. I'm hovering right about where I was weight-wise. But I've gotten my sorry ass back to the gym and have been doing some treadmill walking. That's a start. And I'm getting my motivation back, which can't hurt the situation.

This weight loss stuff is hard. Maybe the hardest thing I've been up against in my life. And I have a hard time staying focused on it. Life gets busy, I injure myself, I get sick, I have a mood dip...and all of a sudden I'm off the wagon, spiraling downward (upward?) again.

A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my car from my last teaching session of the quarter, stepped off a curb funny, twisted both ankles, an fell, landing on my right knee. My ankles, thank goodness, seem to be healed, but my right knee is still complaining. I'm trying to be gentle with it. It doesn't feel good to get up from a sitting position, and sometimes when I am lying in bed at night, if I'm in one position too long, and try to move, my knee is very stiff and painful. Arthritis, I guess. Hopefully it will calm back down over time.

According to google, the site of my knee pain indicated meniscus or collateral ligament tears and arthritis. Ugh.

My plantar fascitis, while still present in small amounts, hasn't been causing me much grief lately. I am still wearing my orthotics every single stinkin' day. Which is probably a good idea for the foreseeable future.

That day I fell off the curb? I was lying there, on the pavement, in really bad pain...wondering if I would have to take an ambulance somewhere, if I broke something. A guy walking by stopped and asked if I was alright. "No!" I said, "I've sprained both of my ankles. It hurts really bad." He paused awkwardly, asked if I was going to get up. I said I didn't think I could yet. He walked away. Walked. Away. I can't imagine ever just walking away from someone lying on the ground in pain. Wtf?

Two motivation boosts for me right now:

(1) It's almost the new year as I write this, and even though that's just another day, it's a new goal-setting, reflecting time for me.

(2) If all goes according to plan, I will be starting nursing school in about 8 months. Eight short months. And I don't want my weight to be a big issue when it comes to being on my feet for clinicals.

I just have to keep that in the front of my mind and stay focused!!

Cat's home safe but gained 2 pounds. (2011 Week 23 Update)

Here are my stats for the last week:

1295 calories over budget
3601 estimated calories of exercise done
10% protein consumed (oops)
+1.7 pounds

I have been doing a little better mood wise, and doing alright on exercise, but my diet has been crap. Have to get all the pieces working together again.

I was at the park with my niece last week and a little boy who was playing on the equipment asked what was in my belly, why it was so big. Argh. I know he's just an innocent kid and probably was curious if there was a baby in there or something but comments like that are so disheartening. And I think he said it loud enough that my parents, sitting over on a park bench nearby, could hear.

Speaking of parents, my mom has mentioned a couple times on the phone that she's just about to eat a salad, and it comes out that all she puts in that salad is iceberg lettuce and salad dressing. My dad was talking to her about it in front of me yesterday afternoon, pointing out that she wasn't eating the tomatoes she bought. "What do you put in your salad, M, he said? Just lettuce, cheese, croutons and dressing?"

When I was younger and still lived at home, and I would beg my mom to get some actually fresh produce at the store for me (a fledgling vegetarian) to eat, she'd go, get a head of iceberg lettuce, some tomatoes, croutons, and baco-bits, set aside a small amount for me, then make a huge, literally gallon sized salad for herself, drowned in thousand island dressing, and there would be no more vegetables of any sort left in the house. She felt virtuous when she ate those things; I could see it in her face. Ugh.

Anyway.

I just got a message on my phone this afternoon about an application I turned in *3* months ago. Ridiculous, but hopefully something will come of it. I think getting back on my feet with a stable job to support me would help my mood, and in turn, my weight loss efforts.

But I'm feeling optimistic. I'm going to do my physical therapy exercises tonight, and plan on doing some laps at the pool or maybe a cycling class tomorrow afternoon. It's going to be okay.

Stupid Weight Loss Contest!!! (2011 Week 14 Update)

I took a closer look at my weights since the new year versus my goal (at a rate of -2 lbs per week, hah!) and up until early March, I was doing fine. Up until I started that stupid, stupid weight loss competition with my two girlfriends I was doing pretty well, and then I started *gaining* again (on a 7 day moving average, so it should eliminate any non-meaningful wiggles).

I was about to say "I can't think of anything else in particular that was happening around that time", but then I realized I could go back and see if I made any other notes on what was going on my life. At the beginning of March, I got that interview canceled that I was really counting on. And then my mom's comments comparing my eating habits to my friend's. And then my mood being really low for a couple weeks. So--- yeah, maybe it wasn't the contest.

In positive news, I put some air in my bicycle tires and rode my bike again this week for the first time in months. I've also been doing a lot of work in the garden, taking out a tree, planting a vegetable garden and some flowers, pruning. I haven't been doing all that much exercise for the sake of exercise this week though.

I keep putting "GYM - non-negotiable" on my calendar, but then I don't end up going. I know that my health is on the line, and my $50 bet with my friends, etc etc, but somehow my motivation isn't totally there.

In the last week I *was* doing better with my diet though, I ended the week about 400 calories under budget and averaged 93 g of protein per day.

I am DETERMINED that this week is going to be better!!!!